literature

takes her lesson

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Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

June 21, 2005
takes her lesson by =La-Serpentia sent shivers down my spine. It's also a testament to what can happen when you roll up your sleeves and get to work. While this piece may have another edit or two in its future, it is steaming headlong in the right direction.
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Literature Text

The buildings were bowing as far as their lightning rods would allow them,
laying their pot plant leaves before my feet,
amidst the donkey’s traffic grunt.
I had been given my messiah,
wedged between two glossy slips of cardboard.
I’m too shy with strangers to say no;
I gained faith thanks to the selfless persistence
of a ten year old.
Except when I closed my eyes
I saw only momentary multi-hued memories
on the back of my lids.

But that’s okay, that’s okay,
I had a smile on my face
and god in my hand.

I opened my eyes to:

eager profit prophecies dangled as neon halos,
perched to guide imprudent eyes
- since when were inanimate objects so attention-needy? –
and I had stumbled
off number-
ed pages


But that’s okay, that’s okay,
because once I coughed it away
I was still there with my glossy book
burning like money in my pocket.

(Maybe when there are only overly ornamental churches
built as architectural feat
rather than practical rock foundations built for bodies rather than brains,
or when silver crosses are not worn by sinners
but by the pure and righteous, or perhaps when bread and wine
are made redundant due to lacking nutritional value, or when
we choke plastic trees with tinsel giving thanks to the day alone,
I will be able to rejoice in this little boy’s efforts with the glossy book
without sinful cynicism, or simple retorts)


But when I saw his father waiting nearby
I flicked him a passing glance
then discarded the glossy book,
praying the little boy would forgive me,
wondering what happens when he closes his eyes…
full title - takes her lesson eyes wide open


it was commanded and here it is. I tried to fix it but didn't really fix it properly enough.

edit: huuuuge thanks to =shotgunmessiah for the critique and stuff. I made minor edits and am in process of ironing out the middle section.

edit 2: sorry to bring this up again. made some minor edits after workshopping this at uni. i think it works better now - cut out a line, fixed line breaks.
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silent-pirate's avatar
mm, I love this, so much :) everything about it. The flow of the words and lines is marvelous.