literature

tomatoes

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Literature Text

the garden has grown over.
rows of metal stakes sit
barren, tilted


if you were here, I would ask -
do you remember each spring
those sagging, strained vines
grazing the ground
and all the varieties of reds
that brightened the back of our yard?

the sound of the doorbell, a cue
to load up the bags,
and the postman,
your sister,
my friends leaving, laden with a bounty

and Mum heaping two kilos of them
in a deep saucepan,
bashed and dented from years of cooking for four,
and they'd simmer for hours
like time meant nothing


our crop, we shared
when there was
so much
Still a work in progress I think, but I've been playing with it for a couple of days and haven't gone far. I haven't written for over a year so I'm kind of excited to have written anything.

Not sure if the 2nd last stanza should be there at all. But without it (and even with it), I feel like it's missing something. Like it's half a story. Maybe it should be half a story.

Of course - harsh critiques welcomed and feedback in general would be lovely.

And thank you to the wonderful `salshep for her feedback at the start, and for pointing out the obvious changes that needed to be made.
© 2010 - 2024 Sperpy
Comments39
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AyeAye12's avatar
Very atmospheric, with a good hint of nostalgia... even if this isn't my memories xD

Reminds me of a Luke Yates piece he read out here (the first poem) [link]

The way you were able to paint a beautiful piece with little use of imagery is very impressive in my mind. So, well done for that!